Why I dislike Pride Month

by a middle-aged lesbian

I’m proud I’m gay, however I am not proud to be British – and as for the situation globally…I can’t even begin. I’m frankly relieved the whole thing is over.

There’s so much that needs to change in this country on a grassroots level – from lack of legislative protection for Trans people to degendering GCSE maths exams – that is being hidden behind a rainbow flag. As a country, we have nothing to be proud of in terms of tolerance.

We’ve forgotten that it was originally a protest about acceptance – not approval. For me, the main message of pride is not ‘look how wonderful it is to be queer’ but ‘please just accept that my life is none of your business and let me live it in safety’.

I think I have the same problem with Pride Month as I do with Autism Awareness Week and Children in Need night. They have become social sticking plasters and as someone who lives with those on the Autism spectrum and works with vulnerable children I get cross when a plaster is put over a gaping wound. There are Children in Need all year around, more than ever (and yes it collects a lot of money for projects but – increasingly – those projects are trying to remedy social failing caused by the Government). In our house we have 52 Autism Awareness weeks every year that probably achieve more awareness through sharing FB posts and personal accounts than anything official done one week a year. Pride Month is even worse.

I came out in 1998, before the repeal of Section 28 and the equalising of the age of consent. Before Pride was a party and an excuse to slap rainbows on everything.

The problem, as I see it, is that that’s all it seems to have become – it’s just ‘The Queers’ making a noise and covered in glitter, plus a load of bandwagon jumping merchandise with stupid slogans like ‘Love Wins’ (really? when?), articles about celebrities who were really brave about coming out and pictures of young, overly tanned lads in hot pants, on rollerskates and kissing. It doesn’t speak for me anymore, and to be honest I don’t really need it to. However, there are still many attitudes in this country – and huge problems all over the world – that it does need to speak for.

For example: Halifax launched new staff name badges that contain prefered pronouns – just a couple of small words she/her or they/their or whatever – as an OPTION for staff, and thanks to the intolerance spread in this country by the press and government, there have been customers THREATENING to LEAVE because of it.

Halifax told them to go right ahead and leave – good for them I say. That’s as stupid as threatening to leave a bank because you don’t like the staff uniforms. – it’s a decision that DOESN’T EFFECT YOU. There are people in this country who are so angry about something that basically doesn’t need to concern them that they are given a voice to threaten institutions.

However, if it does effect you those little words can be the difference - it says these people are not going to question me when I tell them my gender. That's massive.

These days, I have the luxury of being amused when service staff misgender my partner – assuming that because I’m a woman, then my partner must be male – because even the most uptight, intolerant people know that passing a derogatory comment is a criminal offense. They can think what they like – and waste their energy hating me – but I have a right to be treated with dignity and respect. It’s a power balance thing. I can correct service staff, because I know that the moment I do they will be apologetic or at least acquiescent – and society is on my side. This is what needs to happen with gender identity as well – the power balance needs to change so that those that need to can correct institutions and service staff without fear of consequences.

Displaying pronoun preferences is a step towards building this safety - wafting about on roller blades wearing nothing but a pair of excessively tight shorts, half a pound of body glitter and pride flag does not. Buying irrelevant merchandise does even less. I have no issue with anyone who wants to do either of these things - but lets stop pretending that it's helping? Please?